Fish

"Monday and everyone saw Neoceratodus Australia 15 on the staffroom blackboard and wanted to know what it meant. A 15 year old Australian transfer student? The girls and I were excited about talking to an Australian boy, myself especially because English is my favourite subject. I'll have an advantage with him because my English is better than everyone else's. Maybe I'll be assigned to him as his escort. Hopes ascending, and destroyed by the vice principal, "Neoceratodus is just a fish from Aquamarine Fukushima." Evacuated after March 11th.

Tuesday morning and sit through four classes of easy nonsense but pretend to struggle because I just want to fit in. Lunchtime and I meet my Australian dream boy for the first time and he's four feet long, fifty pounds, slimy and ugly as Hell. Neoceratodus can't move in our little tank, apparently when placed in a bigger tank he still does not move though he could. Maybe there's some deeper meaning in that and I can almost see it but I'm too young and it's out of focus.

Wednesday and I visit Neocera and lean in close and look in his window and he lays not moving and unmoved and I see my reflection and I'm fading. We share the silence and I thank him for it. The other boys think volume and charisma are the same thing.

Thursday and Neo is going to Niigata. He's just another victim of March 11th and I'll remember him though he leaves us.

Some weeks later and I go to Aquamarine Fukushima. I meet Neo and he moves for me and I smile for him."

Nasu

I had diarrhoea last time I went to Nasu, in Christmas 2009. Like many of my problems it was self inflicted. I was constipated the night before we left so I got some constipation drugs. They worked really well and I was very pleased with the results. So pleased in fact, that I didn't want to stop taking them. By the time we were in Nasu I had diarrhoea. Upon arrival at Nasu station I went straight to the station toilet and let rip. No toilet paper.

Anyway, after I used my underwear as toilet paper at the station I didn't stop taking the constipation drugs as I was afraid of becoming constipated again - the trauma of being kept awake the night before by a painful constipated stomach still hung over me. We went to strawberry fields and I had to run out maybe three times to visit the little boys room, which at the strawberry fields were portaloos. I also visited the little girls room because I used all the toilet paper in the boys room and had to steal some more. This was the peak of my diarrhoea. I stopped taking the drugs after that.

Today I am going to Nasu again and my bowels are in good condition. It should be a good trip.

Cinema

Thor was good but I don't know why it was in 3D, Thor didn't even throw his hammer out of the screen. Isn't that the most obvious thing to do? Pirates of the Caribbean was also in 3D, but I didn't wear the glasses for most of the movie and it was actually in 2D most of the time. This didn't seem fair considering the 3D movie tickets are 80% more expensive. The Transformers trailer was in 4D - it was so loud and offensive, I felt like I was being raped from four sides.

I saw Thor on opening night and there were 5 people in the screening. I watched Pirates 4 in maybe its third week of release and the screening was completely full. This is probably because Pirates 4, being a Disney movie, had a Japanese dub (and no one knows what a Thor is.)

I wonder if Pirates of the Caribbean would be as successful in Japan if it didn't get the Disney dub. Probably not, because few people prefer to watch movies with subtitles. International trailers for Spanish movies usually have no dialogue in them, an intentional omission by the movie companies because they know people will likely be turned off by the subtitles.

Then hipsters on YouTube call everyone idiots for not watching Pan's Labyrinth due to the subtitles. When Pan's Labyrinth is released on DVD it has an English dub in order to make it more accessible to subtitle averse idiots. But then hipsters criticise the existence of the English dub, despite supposedly wanting everyone to see the film.

Maybe Japanese audiences will never hear what Johnny Depp sounds like as Jack Sparrow, but they are seeing the film and that's what matters, right?

Toy Story 3 was interesting too, the Japanese voice actors did press appearances promoting the movie and some kids (hopefully not adults) were likely convinced that the Japanese dub is the original. But Toy Story 3 was amazing and if a Japanese dub posing as the original got more kids to watch it then I'm happy.

I thought about all this whilst watching Pirates of the Caribbean. I didn't concentrate on the film because it totally sucked.

Location:ポレポレいわき

Thursday

Teachers are coming into the staffroom now because fifth period finished. The noise doesn't make me less sleepy.

Filling up my water bottle with radioactive water and drinking it woke me a little but it won't last. Some kid wrote "I'm a peace a pacifist." How do you correct that? Bell just rang for sixth period. I think any chair can be a comfy chair if you feel sleepy enough. I don't know what time is. 

Why are all the windows closed? They aren't closed. Oh god it's hot. I'm half way through the pile of work that I'm marking. Get up to drink something. Maybe take my pants off in the toilet to get some air... Success. 

When I'm marking work I always flash back to that time in religious education when we watched a video about something and we had to write a report about it. I forgot the main character's name so I just wrote "She..." for the entire thing. My teacher wrote "Who is she?" at the bottom of my work and underneath that I wrote "I don't know." I still to this day think that's the funniest thing I ever did in school. I smile just thinking about it. It was also the most rebellious thing I ever did. 

My fourth toe on my right foot is itching and it's probably athletes foot. This chair is too low and I don't know how to adjust it. I still can't write lower case F properly. After 25 years. 

 A horrible noise just stopped. How long has that noise been going on? All day ? Have I tuned into it? I didn't realise it was there. I could have been annoyed at it. Missed opportunity. 

Some teachers know that I can be really good and some teachers haven't really seen me at my best. That's my own fault. I can't wait around for my moment. When you are alphabetising the four Internet bookmarks on your phone, it's time to go home.

Staffroom

Silence and a breeze and I'm sweating after a pretty decent class about numbers. I am 18 years old.

Only three teachers here and none of them can see me through the piles of books and files and lies. Slouch and read Conversations with God which is what I was doing on March 11th. Don't do something in order to make yourself happy. Become happy within then all your actions will be happy. Walk to the toilet and the girl with special educational needs hugs me and tells me she loves me. Splash face with cold water and look in mirror and I look older.

Enter the correct genre for every album in iTunes and too much is 'Folk Rock.' I label both The Verve and Mew 'Indie Rock' which doesn't seem right. And still a breeze and mist on faded mountains and anxiety descending.

Mistakes

We did a word test in which students write the English translation for Japanese words. Ryo was repeating 'Park' over and over again. "Park park park park."

The test began and Ryo wrote nothing for 'Park' and his answer for 'Big' was "Pog" which made the female JTE* break down laughing uncontrollably. Saying nothing, she wrote "Pog" on a piece of paper in front of me and I laughed hysterically too. This was during the silence of a test.

After the test the girl marking Ryo's paper laughed and said "Pig?" and I corrected her, "No, Pog!" This made the girl laugh even more and she showed Ryo's paper to her friends and they all laughed as well and I thought about stopping her but I didn't because it was too funny.

The JTE explained the Pog situation to everyone - Ryo had specifically practiced 'Park' over and over again only to fail to write it and then write "Pog" for 'Big'. Then all 24 students had a good laugh at Ryo and he tried to explain but no one cared.

"Don't be afraid to answer wrongly. It's okay to make mistakes."

*JTE = Japanese Teacher of English

Hay Fever

One of the women came to my desk and showed me my choice of pictures for the yearbook. Option 1 was me sitting slightly at an angle with a goofy smile and slouching and eyeballs bright red from hay fever. Option 2 was me sitting straight on with a goofy smile and not slouching and eyeballs bright red from hay fever. I said both of them and the woman said I looked cool in both. Anxiety descended and I wondered how many others had lied when they called me cool. I chose the picture in which I wasn't slouching because that was the only positive. 

At a flower shop with Chie I was filled with a nameless dread and felt certain that my hay fever would reach fatal levels so I put on my sunglasses hoping they would offer some kind of protection. I brushed an insect off my arm and later a bite mark formed and I wished I'd killed the insect. The roof of my mouth was itchy and I scratched it and surprisingly that helped but sticking my hand in my mouth didn't look good so I didn't do it again. I massaged the roof of my mouth with my tongue instead but this maybe made things worse and 'Flower Shop' was added to my list of places to which I will never go again.