Disneyland

I had low expectations of Tokyo Disney Sea because most artificial attractions I've seen in Japan are in a state of disrepair. That's why my favourite places to go until now have been places of natural greatness like Ogasawara. Tokyo Disney Sea is on a whole other level, almost as if the concept and design had come from another country. The place is a shrine to consumerism and celebrates things that are of no real value, but the level of detail and craftsmanship is so high that I couldn't help but feel admiration rather than contempt.

At Tokyo Disney Sea souvenir shops which provide auxiliary seaside tat are more plentiful than the primary attractions like rides and shows. So attractions that you can ride for free as part of your ticket price are scarce but shops and restaurants are always close by and ready to take your money. Just two minutes after entering the park we ended up in a souvenir shop where I bought a Donald Duck hat, and made the fictional claim that he is my favourite Disney character. I've never liked Disney characters or Disney movies, at university when people would reminisce about their favourite Disney songs I would sit in silence and wait for the subject to change. I swore that I would wear the hat all day but it was eventually replaced by a pair of Minnie Mouse ears.

The Magical World of Disney was much more than just shops and rides arranged seemingly at random (I'm looking at you, any other Japanese theme park ever). The sections are very distinct, each with their own carefully constructed mise en scene; the dirty Arabic area has narrow streets and carpets hanging out of windows, sweaty South America has Aztec stuff and rivers for smuggling drugs, and the pirate themed area was full of wet whores.

Ariel's undersea world was great, but I broke the verisimilitude when I accidentally opened the cover of a control panel that I thought was a secret passage. We watched a live Little Mermaid show and the white woman playing Ariel was hot. I asked Chie the obvious question of "Which half of me would you rather be a fish, top or bottom?" She said bottom half, I agreed. Ariel's nook had 15 minute queue of people waiting to get inside it. When we met Ariel I was disappointed, first because she wasn't the same as the theatre Ariel (not as hot) and second because she was wearing a shawl covering her shoulders and cleavage. What's the point in having the top half of a woman's body and dressing like that?

We queued for maybe two hours to get on the Tower of Terror (!!!). A lot of people dropped out of the queue to get refeshments while their friends saved their spot - in the high school lunch queue this was the highest of crimes. All the other couples looked miserable, living lives of misery. I expected a jovial atmosphere like a queue outside a club, but people weren't even talking to the people they came with. Chie and I were the only ones entertaining ourselves. Finally we entered the pretend haunted hotel, which no-one cared about - all we wanted was the ride at the end. It started with a woman dressed in classic hotel porter gear welcoming us to the hotel in character and I tried a slow clap after she finished but no-one took it up. Everyone probably thought I was being rude by doing something that was outside of the clearly designated "fun". Don't try and make your own memories, only take these memories that we have prepared for you. Don't try and make your own entertainment, just move silently between attractions and smile when the group photo is taken. Your experience will not be unique, you will have the exact experience that is advertised with no deviation.

I love this photo. I feel that I am the centre piece of it due to my position and the relative brightness of my face. The other people in the photo must look at it and think the same. I like the girl with the dog to my left who is trying to hide her face just by hunching up and turning her head slightly (a lot of girls do this). My favourite is the tall guy at the back who is no-selling the entire thing and acting like he's in a staff photo. I was shitting myself.

Yes, that's the end.